your sex life is not private


People often assume that your sexuality is something that is private. You do it behind doors, you probably don’t tell everyone about it, and you consider it something you just do with a select few people. It’s important to you, and whether or not anyone else is actually involved in it probably doesn’t influence you on a day-to-day basis.

What most people don’t realize is that your sexuality (and your sex life) is controlled in almost every conceivable manner.

Take popular children’s actor Pee-Wee Herman. He was arrested for exposing himself in an adult theater and thusly banned from children’s television. While what he did is no doubt outside the boundary of what is appropriate, he did it in an environment that was exclusively meant for adults. Never mind the fact that he didn’t actually expose himself to children (which, might I add, most people think he did.) What he did in his own time affected how people viewed him in his career and he was cut off from that part of his life.

You can use the same example for teachers who are fired because of pornography. A few years ago (and there are several other cases with similar plot) a teacher was fired because students of hers found a pornographic video she had filmed and posted online a dozen years before. According to the school, they believed that the students would now be too distracted by her to learn. She might have been the most fantastic teacher in the world, but you can see her tits online? We’re sorry, we’re going to have to let you go.

How many of you would make a pornographic video… if you didn’t want to be something besides a porn-star later in life? I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been talking to someone and they’ve said they would never take a nude photo of themselves because they want to be a politician. A scientist. Something “respectable.” Well, are you suddenly less respectable because you created a pornographic film? What in that makes you a less respectable person? Does it make you less reliable? Does it make you less human? Does it make you less of a nice person?

Everyone has sex, but if you admit it you better start looking for a new job.

Besides regulating just how public your sex can be, your sexuality is regulated in many other ways. For example, birth control. The history of birth control “distribution” is disturbing, at the very least. Not too long ago doctors were able to prescribe birth control on a case by case basis, basically allowing them to decide who they personally thought birth control should be prescribed to. And let me tell you, single women who just wanted to have sex without getting pregnant weren’t on that list. Doctors were affectively able to control the sexuality of women by not allowing them a prescription to birth control.


And while condoms and other contraceptives were still relatively easy to get your hands on, many women did not feel protected without the pill and thusly did not engage in intercourse because of this. These days you still have the possibility of this happening. Some doctors have “a moral conscious” from prescribing birth control to the younger crowd. Some pharmacists have been to known to refuse plan b to teenagers just looking to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. And in some smaller cities, there are even stories of people working at grocery stores refusing to checkout condoms because they think the person buying them is too young.

This isn’t even getting into how hard it can be to obtain birth control itself. Don’t have insurance? Don’t have a job? Don’t want to tell your parents? Live in a small city? Scared? Don’t know what to do? Well you might be screwed. If you live in a city (or situation) that has made it easier to obtain birth control consider yourself lucky. Realize that many people want it, but are unable to get it for whatever reason.  Why isn’t birth control equally available to everyone? Thought provoking, isn’t it?

The final point I want to bring up is the hetero-norm of our culture. If you go beyond having heterosexual penis to vagina intercourse in the missionary position someone is going to judge you. This judgment is then bundled up with the judgment of everyone else into a giant stereotype that if you are having sex in a way that isn’t in the hetero-norm then you are doing something wrong. When you believe that you are doing something wrong (and are for whatever reason ‘dirty’) then you might be persuaded to stop doing it. Even if it’s a part of you, or something you enjoy. A great example of this is when people who are homosexual live a heterosexual lifestyle because it’s simply not socially acceptable to be gay. That’s the most simplistic example. Another one? I’m not going to let my boyfriend have anal sex with me because people will think I’m a slut. It might sound ridiculous if you read my blog and already understand all of this… reality… but the truth is that a lot of people don’t. They get sucked into the lie that if you aren’t having normal sex then you aren’t normal. The truth is that no one knows what normal is.

So the next time you’re having sex and your legs are spread wide in the air just wonder who is watching you. Taking notes. Judging you. And you’ll realize that while there might not be literally someone in the room with you, the same thing is happening regardless. Whether you know it or not.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Jonathan says:

    Yeah I was that guy who got married, because, I got tired of trying to make acceptance work.


  2. ashley says:

    why would anyone want to be normal…..when you realize youre a freak, everything gets so much more fun and satisfying. everyones a freak, no ones normal. the only difference is some people are freakier then others. why be something yorue not


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