exploring the fantasy of openness


 So my wife and I are in this new exploration of fantasy of somewhat of a more open relationship. We are married and in no way anywhere close to that at this point in time. My question may be a difficult one however if anyone is equipped to answer it… you are! As a married couple exploring in fantasy what kind of activities and or role play would you suggest as far as together taking our fantasies and desires and I guess putting as much reality into it as possible but not taking the plunge. We want to be able to stimulate our fantasies desires and senses without doing anything we are not ready for. So we thought if we could move some of our fantasies into reality yet balancing perfectly between the fantasy and reality without making it a full reality what would be some ideas in regards to no specific fantasy but in general those that involve or include other persons. Thank you so much for your time and effort. We LOVE your blog!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your question, and for allowing me to discuss this further on my site! Fantasy is a great way to explore things that you and your partner share an interest in, but aren’t sure if you’re ready to take out into the wild and experiment with yet. In fact, sometimes fantasy can be a sustainable way to experiment within itself.

An easy example, and one that is played out in all manner of popular media:

Husband and wife, out at a bar. Husband approaches wife. Why hello there, who are you?  The game is simple. You and your wife don’t know each other. What would you say? How would you interact? This does a few great things. The first is that it allows you to look at your partner with a fresh set of eyes. Being in an open relationship you get to do this frequently, as you see how other people see your partner, and are constantly getting that “refresh” perspective. I think the same thing can be accomplished without a third party. Pretend you don’t know each other so intimately and make a game out of it. Buy your partner a drink, ask them about their life, learn new things about them or learn old things in new and exciting ways. Then invite them back home with you.

You can even create new identities for one another, playing into the idea of being with someone new. If you are traditionally very shy in bed, for instance, you could play the seductress or the playboy figure, very alluring or debonaire. There are other fantasies here, like pretending you’ve never slept together, playing with fantasies of control or force (cuffs, bondage, holding one another down) or even talking dirty to one another.

In fact, talking dirty is a great way to work through fantasies in the bedroom without actually doing them in real life. Talking dirty isn’t as painfully awkward as it is in the movies, if you don’t let it be. Just make it real and honest, raw, personal. Instead of “Ooh, baby, I like… that thing…” you could say “I wish another man was here right now, I wish I was watching you with someone else. Do you wish someone else was here too?” I would add that it might be important to emphasis that the conversations you’ll have during sex are not necessarily representative of your expectations for after sex is over. Fantasy is fantasy. Have fun with it. But stay within your comfort zones.

Last, but not least, dressing up can be fun and can be incorporated in the two above kinds of roleplaying. Pick out a special outfit, a kinky outfit, a sexy outfit. Buy some toys, pick out some porn, or just turn on some music that sets the mood. There are all kinds of accessories that you can add to sex to make it feel new or different, and all kinds of accessories you can add that can help simulate a fantasy.

Grab that realistic dildo and a blindfold and get to fucking Mr. Possibility.

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