My Modern Love: Five Languages


It’s Sunday morning and I’m still in bed, the sheets wrapped around me, curled around a pillow I’ve been spooning since my boyfriend got out of bed. I wake up when I hear the coffee grinder with it’s promising growl, the smell of the beans already imprinted in my mind.

The sun has hardly come through my bedroom window but there is enough light that I know it’s going to be a beautiful day. The boy has turned on NPR and I can hear him cracking eggs into my worn down cast iron pan. They hit the pan with a sizzle and I crawl out of my warmth. I pad my way to the kitchen on sleepy feet and hug him from behind.

“How many bags of tea do you want?” I sleepily reach for the black tea, I slip them in an oversized mug, I turn on the kettle. Ira Glass wakes me up, he puts me to sleep again. I try to tame my bed head. I put on some chapstick, drink some water. I flick on my iPad and start to read the news. Eggs appear in front of me with love, on top of bread, I douse them in cholula.

“Did you read the article about…”


“Did you read the article about…”

“No, send it to me.” (Yes, this. )

We finish our breakfast and move to the couch, reading the news, reading books, lingering in pajamas until the sun blasts through the blinds and reminds us of the day. Let’s go for a run, let’s go for a walk, let’s leave the city and drive away somewhere.

I think so much of the five languages of love. I think about what they mean and how we interpret our results. Time and time again, I’ve gotten “quality time” as my language of love. For me, quality time isn’t much more than moments like this. The little moments you spend with someone else. Making the ordinary extraordinary. Slowing down time enough to appreciate the presence of someone else.

Quality time doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, a romantic  getaway, it doesn’t have to be counted in hours or days spent together. It’s how those moments feel and the acknowledgement that you’re glad to share them together that matters the most.

What is your language of love? What is your partners? 

You can take the test [here] but I would highly recommend picking up a copy of the actual book to read. It offers examples of how someone might express these different kinds of languages and the best ways to show your partner that you care.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. The military will send us on a marriage retreat once a year, and we always do the languages of love. Mine is physical, and considering how much my husband teases me about needing sex to feel love, neither of us are surprised. It’s a great quiz.


  2. Cara Thereon says:

    I took this test a while ago. I usually get quality time as my number one.


  3. agirlstransformation says:

    I got a tie between physical touch and acts of service.


  4. LaNeshe ( says:

    That is like the perfect morning to me. I’ve never taken the test, but I’d gather quality time is my love language also.


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