Wedding Season: The Bug That Bites


New: I’ve written a tentative schedule for my blog (posted to the sidebar) giving an outline of when certain subjects will appear. 


When I turned 25 I got a save the date in the mail. It was one of those symbols of my mid-twenties, some subscription list I must have got on. It continues to remind me at regular intervals that I’m growing up. And people are moving on.

There were a sprinkling of kids I grew up with who got married out of High School. Most of them are either divorced or living back at home with two or three kids. Some of them, still happy, persist as a reminder that there’s no warning when you’ll want to take that step.

For the rest of my friends, marriage remains an even split between taboo and tradition. Some of them refuse to even bring it up, frightened that discussing marriage with any real potential will somehow make them catch the bug themselves. (A very fair assertion.) The other half, they don’t talk about it so much as they fall into it. College ends, they find a decent job, they get matched up. Things point you in that direction.

I spent most of my teens and early 20s expressing a serious disinterest in marriage, but every scowl I made was backed with a “but I probably will, anyways.” It was a mix of things that came from studying gender and wanting to be a relationship counselor. I knew that nearly half of marriages ended in divorce. I also knew that nearly half of marriages didn’t. I wanted to support equality and show my support by not showing privilege. I also admitted openly and honestly that I wanted those privileges.

My feelings on marriage are shifting, evolving, growing, but so are my feelings on relationships. How can we have modern relationships (and “modern loves” as it were) — how can we craft relationships that suit our needs, and leave convention behind? How can we learn from those conventions (such as the desire to marry en masse in our 20s) what is important in carrying long term relationships into the future?

4 Comments Add yours

  1. C says:

    How are your views on marriage shifting? Do you think your views are changing because of the relationship you’re in?


    1. ST says:

      I’m trying to view the goals and struggles of marriage separately from long term relationships or ethically non-monogamy long term relationships. Who I’m with definitely influences how I feel about it.


  2. LaNeshe ( says:

    The weddings I’ve gone to have all been those of older co-workers. Only one of my gal pals is engaged, the rest of my friends aren’t even in relationships. I think too many people are turned off from marriage because they believe that it means they have to give up their life, or they’ll be forced to fall into the stereotypical roles of the man and the wife, but what your marriage is, is completely up to you!


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