At the start of a relationship our brains are flooded with hormones. We are in love. We are wounded by this neural disability to tell our love interest our deepest and most intimate bits. We speak in poetry (sometimes with the additional written poetry) and we fall deeper in love. This kind of language is easy to fade when you are in a relationship. “They know how I feel!” “I’ve said that before!” We become accustomed to the person we’re around all the time. That poetry is still there, but it manifests itself in different ways. A quiet praise or a thankful smile. When you build a relationship it can suddenly feel scary to make those same sentimental risks. To say something out of the ordinary, to shake the quiet balance of things.
Sometimes, I think, it’s important to shake that balance.
If you are in a long term relationship try this communication tip: surprise your partner with your intimacy. Write them a letter and leave it for them, or put it in the mail. Buy them a thoughtful gift and wrap it with attention. Sit them down and look them in the eyes and tell them something they know, but might not hear straight from your lips often enough.
“You’re the person that matters most to me in the world.”
“I still want nothing more than to start a family with you.”
“You make my insides squishy and my heart race every time I see you.”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Every time you do that awkward smile I fall more in love with you.”
“Remember when we did that one thing? I remember these things about it.”
“I would love nothing more than to do this with you. Will you do this thing with me too?”