I got a great question about being monogamish and whether or not being monogamish can help a monogamous relationship survive and thrive.
Monogamish is a relatively new word that means a relationship is sorta-monogamous. You might explore with your partner a little more than a couple who is entirely monogamous by having things like threesomes, bi-sexual experience, or approved one nighters. Monogamish relationships don’t really fall into open relationship territory nor do they really qualify as swinging. They are less likely to be polyamorous. Monogamish relationships are becoming more and more popular (or at least included in dialogue more frequently) as couples begin to explore threesomes and other “sexually liberating” experiences within the contexts of their relationships. This could be in part due to the social acceptance of polyamory, bisexuality, and the critical analysis of monogamy.
Many writers I read question whether or not this type of exploration can be beneficial to long-term monogamous relationships. Some think that getting out the desire to have new experiences can help prevent infidelity. Justification being that they can have those experiences and do not need to cheat to experience them.
I would tend to agree with that, and think that exploration within a safe and trusting context can be useful for couples that wish to maintain a generally monogamous relationship. In preventing infidelity in particular it would depend on whether or not the couple was interested in exploring new things in addition to their relationship or exploring only new things.
Are you looking to be monogamish because you’re done with your relationship and you’re looking for a way to move on, or are you looking to be monogamish because you want to strengthen your current relationship and have new experiences?
I think that having the opportunity to explore can be helpful to individuals who have certain needs that can’t be met within the context of their relationship. Men and women who are bisexual, for instance, can have the chance to be physically intimate with someone of the same or opposite sex. If a particular kink is not met within the relationship, it can be met outside the relationship. (Some enjoy hiring dominatrixes, for instance.)
As I end most discussions of “relationship styles” I think we wind up at the same conclusion. What works for some people won’t work for everyone. What works for some relationships wouldn’t work for other relationships. Monogamish relationships (and other variations of ethical non-monogamy) could help strengthen a monogamous relationship. It could also show the involved parties that the relationship has already come to an end.
I would encourage couples who have been together for a long time who have pondered about monogamish relationships or ethical non-monogamy to start conversations about what their relationship would look like if they did that. Were there any experiences they were curious about having? What would a monogamish relationship look like? Is this something they’re interested in trying at some point or does it come of little interest to them? As the subject itself is one of current hot-topic-discussion, it could be provoking enough just to share a few words about it, and see where that takes you.
What do you think? Can monogamish relationships help couples who have the goal of remaining monogamous? Does that even make sense? Can you say you’re monogamous if you’re “monogamish”? Would you explore one-time experiences with your partner?