Question: A Good Reason to Fake Orgasm?

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Question: Do you know of any good reason why a woman would fake an orgasm? 

Answer: I am usually pretty adamant against faking orgasms. However, there is one reason a woman might fake an orgasm that I can understand as somewhat logical.

Many women have a difficult time orgasming during sex. For some, this can lead to orgasm-faking.

Why would someone fake an orgasm?

1. They feel that their male partners judge their own performance (and your satisfaction) based on your orgasm.

2. They believe that the point of the sexual experience is to orgasm and feel let down by that sexual experience if they are unable to achieve an orgasm.

3. They don’t know where to find a clear end to sexual intercourse without an orgasm.

4. They feel frustrated that they are not in control of their body and that if they were more “sexually aware” orgasm would be easy.

5. They feel that they or their partner is not pleasing them well enough or that they are an unskilled partner.

There are a lot of pressures that might go through a woman’s head when she is having sex. 

Does my partner find me attractive? Am I jiggling in all these weird places? Am I doing this right? Am I pleasing my partner? Why doesn’t this feel like I thought it would/should?

For some, these worries are tied to other insecurities. For others, these worries are picked up second hand through media influences or whatever kind of half-assed sexual education they got. (A lot of sexual education emphases male pleasure, not female pleasure.)

So, here’s the reason women might do it that makes sense to me.

Women might fake orgasms to reduce the pressure to orgasm, allowing them to orgasm more easily. 

 

If you are having sex and your partner believes that the hard part is over (I made her orgasm, sweet!) she may cross a lot of these fears off her list. Performance anxiety, and satisfying her partners desire to satisfy her, at the top of that list.

Without those concerns she will be able to more easily let go, and get in the moment, which will make an actual orgasm more likely.

Obviously the ideal situation would be that the two partners would communicate what feels good and what doesn’t feel good and when to stop and go and the sex would improve through that communication. For some women, this short-term solution might help them understand what letting go feels like. It may also be beneficial in casual relationships where you know you may not be building a long-term sexual relationship with that particular partner.

To wind back up where I started, please try to avoid orgasm faking. Consider that you and your partner are reinforcing poor sexual habits if you tell one another “that works for me” when that doesn’t work for you. It may be more difficult to slowly work towards that release, but I believe that faking orgasms can very easily set you up for continuous orgasm faking, which would make it difficult to then be honest with your partner.

If you want to reduce the pressure of orgasming, or if you’re simply finding it difficult to become aroused, there are other, better solutions out there for you.

Do you have a question about sex or sexuality? Do you need relationship advice? Submit to the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer it on my blog.

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