The other day I saw a tweet regarding sex positivity. I can’t remember who said it or what it said but something inside me clicked. I write about sex positivity all the time, but what is it? And… what isn’t it?
What sex positivity isn’t:
- It isn’t wanting to have sex
- It isn’t actively having sex
- It isn’t wanting to have sex all the time
- It isn’t knowing what kind of sex you like
- It isn’t being unafraid of sex
- It isn’t knowing everything about your sexuality
- It isn’t considering yourself a pro in bed
- It isn’t liking to do everything and anything your partner does
Sex positivity has nothing to do with actually doing anything.
It’s hard to describe sex positivity because it’s more of an attitude about sex than anything else. Being sex positive means that you take your sexuality into your own hands. You make decisions that are smart and right for you. You understand consent and encourage yourself and your partners to practice safe sex. You regard the sexual choices of others as a matter of their own personal preferences.
Unfortunately, not everyone does this, or can do this. It doesn’t mean that they are sex-negative by choice. A lot of the world is sex negative and a lot of the ideas we have about women come from these sex-negative ideas. Sex education can help empower people to understand sexuality so they can make informed decisions for themselves that are sex-positive.
Sometimes, things happen that make sex-positivity difficult, even if proper sex education was there. Sometimes things like abuse or growing up in homes that discourage positive thinking about sex prevent young people from making their own decisions about sex.
How can you be sex positive if sex positivity is an attitude?
- Don’t shame others for doing things in bed that you don’t understand. In fact, choose not to get involved in anyone else’s sexual health unless they invite you in.
- Know that whatever kind of sex you like is OK and that you’re not a better or a worse person for liking lots of sex or no sex at all.
- Make informed decisions about your sexuality. Don’t let others tell you what is right or wrong. Because schools rarely educate, educate yourself.
What do you consider sex positivity? Do you think you are a sex positive person? Have you ever met someone who was sex negative? What about their attitude made you believe that they were sex negative?