Sex from Scratch is the latest “do it yourself” book for those looking to make their own relationship rules. I’m always interested in what these books choose to include content wise, because there are a lot of subjects you can stick to or stray from. For instance, The Ethical Slut and Opening Up cover a lot of the same material, but leave certain subjects out while they focus more on ethical non-monogamy.
Sarah Mirk chooses the following layout:
- Loving Being Single
- Building Feminist Relationships
- Navigating Non-Monogamy
- Gender is Messy
- Staying Childless by Choice
- On Never Getting Married
- Knowing When to Split
When I picked up the book I expected an emphasis on the first three chapters, so I was pleased to see how the book progressed through the various voices that were included. This book is very affirming for those of you who don’t want kids and don’t want to get married. It’s very affirming for anyone who doesn’t feel like they fit into a “traditional” relationship.
I loved the chapter on knowing when to split – something thats often left out of the dialogue on making your own relationships. Points like “say the stuff you’re afraid to say” and “you deserve to be happy” are some smaller points that make up big movements.
I also loved the chapter on building a feminist relationship. There is a lot of discussion right now on what being a feminist means and how you can be a better feminist. Things like being on a team, discussing conflict, and giving each other space are all so crucial in relationships.
Finally, I loved one point in the book where we get to hear more about infidelity. I’ve got a library copy so I didn’t want to tag it or anything so I’ll paraphrase the idea I got. When someone in a relationship cheats, and the couple intends to try to work through it, thats something that the couple needs to do together. Each partner needs to do their role to help mend the relationship. It’s not “you did this, now you fix it.” It made me think a lot about sacrifice and partnership and how it may be one person that does something physical or emotional in a relationship, but its up to both partners to want to fix it.
I would highly recommend checking it out if you’re at all interested in breaking out of traditional relationships or feel that the traditional linear model for relationships doesn’t suit you and your partner/s.