Pegging is a word coined by Dan Savage to describe a female bodied person penetrating her male bodied partner. It’s anal sex, for those not lucky enough to receive their own phallus at birth. Pegging has really taken off in the last couple years, at least in popular discourse, as more and more couples begin to explore their sexuality together. Pegging is exciting because it can be intimate, it can be sensual, it can flex gender roles, it can fall into dom/sub play, and it can help us explore both comfort and trust within our relationships.
It’s also exciting because men are learning the anatomical masterpiece that is their ass. These nerve endings, and the p-spot (the male version of the g-spot) can create intense orgasms.
Exploring Sub/Dom Aspects and Gender Roles
Many men hesitate to bring pegging into conversation, even if it’s something that they’re interested in trying. Many men view pegging as a submissive act and feel that doing a submissive act would make them less masculine somehow. Dominance and masculinity need not be tied, and men should feel comfortable exploring their sexuality in whatever way excites them the most. Exploring submission in the bedroom also does not mean that you are submissive. One great thing about sex is that you can take on a whole host of temporary roles just to see what they feel like.
What if you are a self-described woman and your partner does want to explore this scenario, but you’re not sure you can be dominant? Though the sub/dom role-play can be a part of pegging (and may feel like a part of pegging) it does not have to be the central focus. Move at a pace that feels comfortable to the both of you and let yourselves explore the new positions you can find yourselves in. Seek that intimacy and closeness of trying something new and being tightly together. Once you’re in the position you may even find that dominance is something you’re interested in trying.
Making it through initial hesitations
Many men struggle with anal play if it is a new concept to them. They may have been told (much as women have) that anal play says something about them. Many men still equate anal play with homosexuality and fear that appreciating how it feels says something about their sexual orientation.
This is where priming comes into play. Priming has a lot to do with how the mind works and memories we have about certain things. For instance, if you took someone from a very small town who had only heard negative or stigmatized things about anal sex, they would like report back quickly with “no way” when asked if they would try anal sex. They might not even know what makes their revulsion so immediate.
A useful way of thinking about priming is to get someone in the prime to talk. Start small by expressing your interest in pegging, watching pegging videos together, or reading books about pegging. You could also branch off and read books about dom/sub play or anal sex in general. Bringing up pegging over time may provide a more positive outcome than trying to bring it up all at once. If you’re in it for the long haul, lay that foundation for a good experience.
Primping after you’ve primed, before you peg.
Anal sex requires a certain amount of finesse for some. The muscles in the anus need to relax to allow for penetration. If you’re unfamiliar with how this works, taking some time to get to know the area can be exceptionally useful. If you’re thinking of using a strap-on yourself, take time to practice using it before you go into penetration. Practice wearing it, strapping it on (or putting it in) and working the thrusting muscles that those born with penises have had more time to master. If you’re the one that is going to be penetrated, perhaps use some toys on yourself in your free time to get used to the sensations. Prostate toys, butt plugs, or anal beads all come in beginner varieties and can help get you started.
Lube is a necessity for anal play because there will be no natural lubrication like there tends to be in the vagina. Finding a nice thick lubricant will make relaxation and penetration a lot easier.
Some partners start off easy – they both have an interest in pegging and can move on directly from there. Other couples need to talk through and move more slowly through initial hesitations. Wherever you start with pegging, all couples end up at this similar location of education. Learning how to communicate, learning how to explore, and experimenting together for their mutual enjoyment.
Have a question about sex or love? Submit at the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer it on my blog. Want to explore anal toys or strap-ons? Hit the shebop icon on the sidebar and check out Portland’s most awesome female friendly adult store.