Struggling to Find Companionship

I don’t understand why I can’t find a companion. It’s been years. The women who like me don’t appeal to me. The women I’m interested in don’t show any interest in me.

I cannot offer you any advice that you probably haven’t heard already, so I will reiterate the three points that spring to mind when these questions come up. Though they are obvious, I think they are important.

1. Truly loving yourself makes a big difference in finding a relationship that sticks. It is very easy to differentiate between a person who is happy with themselves and a person who feels incomplete without someone else.

2. Non-verbal communication is important and should not be discredited simply because it is often vein. Knowing how to dress and style yourself is important. Having good hygiene is important. Knowing how to hold yourself is important. Posture. Body language. All. Important.

3. Having hobbies and things you enjoy that make you a well rounded person is important. Getting out there and joining a team sport, a gaming league, a book club, going to regular meetups in your city. Doing things that you like to do them because they are fun. Never stop improving yourself. Loving yourself and improving yourself go hand in hand.

As my own point of experience I will say this. When I was dating on OkCupid, I found you could immediately distinguish between men who were out there enjoying themselves and looking to meet new people to connect with and men who were dating because they desperately wanted to find someone to connect with. Shifting your mentality about dating from “this is a huge waste of time I just need to find that one person” to “I’m going to go have fun and hopefully meet someone I can have a great night with” can make a difference of epic proportions. This does not mean you should change your mentality from one of wanting to serious date to date casually. However, letting some of the stress/pressure/disappointment drip off can influence your non-verbal communication.

Lastly: There is a lot I could say about the girls I like don’t like me point. Without knowing more about you and the girls, I feel like it’s impossible to speculate why this might be. So I offer two lasts points of pondering.

• Why do you think it is that you don’t like the girls that like you?

• Why do you feel it is that the girls you like don’t like you?

You pose both of these questions in your question but I am curious to hear how you would respond to them. How you respond to those questions could point you towards an answer. I feel that most people are pretty intuitive about these things but often times we simply don’t like the answers.

I wish that I could help more. If there is more you have to share I’d be happy to talk more about it because I think a lot of men and women struggle in finding dates that are of a mutual attraction.

One Comment Add yours

  1. So much of this is a cat chasing its own tail. You have the gist of the matter nailed: He who does not like himself, cannot be easily liked by others. A big other chunk of this is overt anxiety. People don’t usually like to be around those who are anxious and unsettled.

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