The Learning Has Just Begun


Sometimes I read the “you know you’re in your late 20s when” lists and I feel like someone is doing an anthropological study of my little community. Do you find yourself sitting and watching Netflix, going to bed before 10pm, and pouring yourself a glass of red wine as soon as you get home? Do you feel tired and listless? Do you poop out at parties? 

Today I hastily finished typing up my idea for a thesis, but if we’re being honest, I typed three different versions. I have not progressed throughout my college education with a clear idea of what I wanted to write about. I have no one passion. I am a cat in a room with a mouse, and some cheese, and some steak, and another cat, and hey, whats over there! I am discombobulated.

The one I chose was the one I was most secure with. The one I was most immediately impassioned with. It’s this idea of infidelity I’ve been writing about. More specifically, how do narratives of the one supplement infidelity, and what does the guilt someone feels after they cheat mean? How can we look at infidelity through a feminist lens?

Some work has been done here, but not a whole lot. For the most part infidelity remains an issue best suited for the devils advocate. My professor nudged me towards this by prompting something to the effect of: “Can’t anyone just shut this argument down by saying you deserve to feel guilt and grief because you did a horrible thing?” My goal for the next ten weeks would be to confront the obvious emotional aspects of infidelity, while digging deeper into what those feelings actually mean.

Essentially I saw this gap. And I want to fill dat gap. With a phallus of intellect.

Which is going to be hard, because my attention this term is spread thin. My internship is picking up pace (I just hit over 100 hours!), and I’m taking two online courses that require about 3 hours per day each just to keep up.  No complaints, because I get to read cool books like “Playing the Whore”, “Fashioning Fat”, and “Our Bodies, Ourselves” – which has been sitting on my desk for months without any good page-flipping. Classic.

In all that I find space for my blog and seeing -finally- how it will travel with me after I graduate college. The learning has only just begun.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. LIFE has just begun. My twenties were, by and large, a waste. Yours have been productive, and that’s a sign of even better to come. In bed before 10 is probably more due to the stress of college, than it is due to aging. I am busier and more productive at 64, than at any one of several other points in my life.


  2. Sabine says:

    I like your choice to write on infidelity, and hope that you’ll have your thesis available to your subscribers when it’s complete. Your professor has a point in the context of it hurting people and not being a nice thing to do, but there certainly seems to be more to it than that obvious “that was bad.” Particularly if you look at the act of blaming or shaming others socially, and how much that has changed throughout history. Even a look into people indirectly related to infidelity would be interesting, i.e. friends, family, children… from a contemporary feminist perspective. I’m sure you’ll hone it in on something through the process, it seems normal to want to do everything at first ;o)


    1. ST says:

      Thanks! I agree. The more I talk to people about it and write about it the more (I hope) it will zone in on a few specific parameters. Saying something is bad ends the conversation much too quickly.


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