Q: Avoidance of Clitoral Sensitivity


I had a request to talk a little bit about clitoral sensitivity during oral sex. This is clitoral sensitivity specifically tied to the desire to urinate. Many women have reached out to me in the past with similar issues. “It feels too sensitive, I have to ask my partner to stop, it feels like I’m going to pee.” Stimulation has varied from g-spot to clitoral. Descriptions of the symptoms sound more or less the same.

In the case of this question-asker, she had already seen a doctor. Bladder tests were done, and apparently she had been put on different medications to treat the sensations. It is helpful to seek medical attention if you are feeling pain, particularly if that pain is ongoing. A need to urinate and the feeling of pain could be something like a UTI.

Thinking specifically of the sensitivity during sex (or masturbation, or oral sex, or any other clitoral stimulation) I have some advice.

The long term advice would be to masturbate often and learn if that sensitivity is located at a certain area on your body or if it is associated to a certain stage of arousal. As you get closer to orgasm you may find that the area around the clit gets more sensitive. It may no longer be comfortable to stimulate as you were stimulating before. If this is the case, changing the mode of stimulation or how you are stimulating could make a difference.

For example: If you are rubbing your clit directly and find that it is becoming painful, move your hand to an area away from the clit and continue to stimulate. The clitoris has a lot of nerve endings packed into a very small space, and as blood rushes down, things become more sensitive. Things become even more sensitive the closer you get to an orgasm, during the orgasm, and after the orgasm. In this case, your partner may be stimulating too directly with his mouth/lips or providing too much direct suction to the clit itself.

Some short term advice would be to try this with your partner the next time he does the thing that was causing sensitivity issues. If you experience discomfort, tell your partner to go more slowly, to stop for a moment, to go more lightly, or to move his hand/mouth/body to a slightly different area.

It is hard to say what could have happened to make these stimulations appear suddenly. Perhaps something emotional/environmental has changed that has made your body react differently to stimulus. Maybe you are on or off a new medication. Maybe you are more relaxed and feel more connected to your partner. Perhaps your partner is trying a new technique that is stimulating you slightly differently than they used to.

There are a lot of reasons why a woman may experience pain, sensitivity, or the need to urinate. The above advice will only really be helpful if the sensitivity is coming from an issue of sexual technique. The most important thing to do is to continue communicating with your partner. If something feels uncomfortable, stop doing that thing, and do something else. If the pain is constant/persistent, continue seeking out medical advice until you find a doctor that is able to help you.

Do you have a question about sex or love? Submit at the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer it on my blog.

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