Q: Kegels & Sexual Satisfaction

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I am 34, with two children. I had a vaginal delivery with my first, and an emergency C-section with my second. Shortly after having my second, I had a bladder sling procedure as I could not hold my urine at all. I am 4 years post-op, and now the urologist is saying I have over-active bladder. I am not a candidate to use the medications due to side effects. I am extremely embarrassed. I smell like a diaper. I leak for no reason. The urologist says my bladder sling is doing its job, this is something else entirely. I have been reading about Kegal exercises and Ben Wa Balls. Is one way to strengthen the PC muscles better than the other? I feel like my odor and embarrassment are going to start causing a distance between my husband and I.

I’m very sorry to hear about your medical issues. I don’t have any experiences with bladder issues in particular, and I hope that your doctor is providing you with the best medical care. The reality of sex and sexuality is that things like this happen all the time. Especially as we get older, there may be physical or mental conditions that come into play that require us to seek and understand new ways of being sexual.

I do not believe that what you are experiencing is something that is going to require you to do things very differently. However, you may need time to become comfortable with yourself, and your body. You may need time to work on strengthening that intimacy with your partner that you feel you might be losing out on.

Yes, I would suggest kegel exercises for helping gain better control over those muscles. To exercise the pelvic floor muscles, flex like you are trying to stop the flow of urine, and hold. After a few seconds, release, and flex again. You can do these easily throughout the day while you’re going about other business.

You can also buy toys specifically meant to help you exercise. I would not say one method is better than the other. Ben Wa Balls can provide added weight, and something to clench on. There are a variety of Ben Wa Balls in a variety of sizes and materials, some with strings for easy removal, and some without.

As far as the actual sex goes, if there is anything that influences the leakage (drinking a lot of caffeine, for instance?) try to avoid those things prior to sex, if possible. It may be that you find certain positions make a difference as well.

As you go about your business, find ways of having sex that make you feel comfortable and satisfied. If there is leakage, keep a towel under you or near the bed. Sex has never been spared of bodily fluids, and never will be. Light a scented candle, and go for it.

It may be a process. You may find seeking out a physical therapist helpful the health of your pubic floor. You may find that reading books about sexuality and sex-positivity make a big influence as well. Don’t give up. Keep finding ways to connect with yourself and your partner and commit time every week towards keeping that intimacy alive.

Do you have experience with this question? Please leave your advice in the comment box if there has been something that has worked for you, or if you have general words of wisdom. Lift each other up!

Do you have a question about sex or love? Submit at the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer on my blog.

One Comment Add yours

  1. No real advice, but as a mom of 2 with this same issue (never had the sling done), I’d say that admitting that wearing a panty liner on a regular basis was what I eventually had to do. It’s a pain in the butt, and very embarrassing at first, but you know what? You’re a ROCK STAR. You gave life to your babies and your body changed. Wear a panty liner, take a deep breath, laugh about it, and start blaming your kids ;-).

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