Squirting: How Safe Are Our Fluids?


So I have a question about squirting. I recently started hooking up with a couple I met on Fetlife.  The woman and I are both subs and both bi, and he’s a dom, so it works well.   She orgasms so easily and so many times, sometimes just from the spanking and other foreplay activites, and often squirts.   After the first time we had sex she texted me the next day and asked if I had orgasmed at all the night before, which of course if you have to ask the answer is no.   I explained that I am one of those women who really struggles to orgasm.  Penetration never gets me off even though it feels great.   Oral can get me off but it takes a very long time if it works at all.  No amount of direction-giving makes a major difference, because most things my partners try feel amazing but just never tip over that edge.   Even alone I usually need porn or a vibrator to orgasm, often both.

She replied that she used to be the same way until her current partner came along, which I had a hard time believing and started to assume either that wasn’t true about before or that she’s faking now, but whatever not my business. She said next time we would try to see if I could squirt too and they would coach my through it.   I assumed that would never work but figured I’d humor them. So the next time we’re together after a bit of foreplay he started fingering me and pushing really hard in that “come hither” motion everyone talks about.  It felt good but would have felt better without that pressure level.   She told me to relax my muscles, which is tough because I often contract my kegels to help me orgasm.  Relaxing them changed the sensation, not better or worse.  She then said when it starts to feel really good to push.  When I started to feel extra pressure making me moan louder she told me to start pushing and totally squirted.  Like a lot.  The whole thing took about 1 minute. But the weird thing is I 100% did not have an orgasm.  

As soon as the squirting started it stopped feeling good.   It didn’t feel bad or anything, but the good sensations went away too, and before it started I didn’t feel that build up to an orgasm or like it felt anywhere near good enough that an orgasm was close. The sensation was not the same as peeing, and I know we often have to combat the idea that squirting is “just peeing,” but I’m wondering if that is what was happening in this particular case, seeing as I did not orgasm and it happened so fast. So, did I actually squirt or was that just pee?   Is it possible for a woman to squirt without having an orgasm or not even feeling particularly aroused or good at all for that matter?   Can that fluid really build up in under a minute?

Semi-related question: how worried do I have to be about coming into contact with her squirted fluid in terms of STDs?   They don’t exactly cover that in sex ed =p

These are great questions, but they’re also really tricky to answer. There haven’t been very many revealing studies done about female ejaculation. As far as I’m aware, there have been no studies that look specifically at sexually transmitted infections through female ejaculate. One reason for this is that studies often align with culture. There are a lot of studies that look at heterosexual couples and how things can be spread through vaginal penetrative intercourse, for instance, because for a long time thats what people thought of when they thought of sex. Now we’re speaking out about all these different ways in which people have sex with one another, so there is a need for studies that look into how risky those behaviors are or aren’t. There’s also a need for more same-sex sexual education in early education, but thats a different post.

I would follow these general rules:

  • know when your partners have been tested
  • get tested regularly yourself
  • use barrier methods like condoms and dental dams
  • remember that there is no such thing as safe sex, only safer sex.

Your first question is difficult to answer for the same reason. People are all over the place about female ejaculate, g-spot stimulation, and squirting. One day you’ll read an article detailing the many ways in which you’ve urinated on your partner, the next day you’ll read all about pre-orgasmic fluids. Some assert that squirting is tied completely to the g-spot. Others share lengthy stories about clitoral squirting. Even the wikipedia articles seem to send subtle shrugs.

I think it’s best to go off of your own experiences and your own truths. You were doing something that felt really good and some fluid came out. In that moment you know essentially as much as some top researchers know. That puts you (and the rest of us) in kind of a fun position. You can continuously explore new ways of doing things. New input, new output. The one thing about exploration is that you might not get the same experience the next time, even if you did do exactly the same thing.

As far as fluid building up, squirting without orgasming, and the strange-not-quite-expected sensations, these don’t seem unusual from what I’ve read and heard from other women. Again, you may go back and experience something completely different if you decide you want to try it again tomorrow. It all depends on how exciting, fun, interesting, or worthwhile you find that experience. Do you want to try it again? Does the uniqueness of the situation compel you in some way? Or did you leave finding a sense of… ambivalence?

What about you? What have your experience with squirting been like? Do you find it to be an important part of your self-love, interactions with your partner? Is it something that actively feels good, or is it more centralized around a release? Share your stories in the comments.

Do you have a question about sex or love? Submit at the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer it on my blog. 

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