Finding Love When You’re Dead Inside

What advice would you suggest to someone who feels dead inside when it comes to love? I’ll try and date and get close with people, but it only seems to make me more uncomfortable. Yet I get lonely like everyone else and I crave companionship. How do you train yourself to be able to fall in love?

Seek out relationships that don’t make you uncomfortable.

It sounds like you may be trying to force intimacy in relationships where it isn’t appearing organically. That would make me feel dead inside, too. Companionship is something that absolutely anyone can provide. A new friend, an old friend, the bartender, a friendly face on the bus.

Let go of your expectations for what companionship is supposed to look like and find companions everywhere you go. Let them fit into your life the way they naturally fit into your life.

Learn to consider yourself your greatest companion. Take long walks by yourself. Find some joy in eating out at a nice restaurant alone. Discover your favorite book genre. Seek out friends online through internet forums. These things all act as companionship.

The idea that once we find love we will be fulfilled is wrong. A relationship is not the key to ending loneliness, no matter how much television tries to convince us. You can be equally lonely in love.

I don’t think you can train yourself to fall in love. First you have to love yourself, then you have to open yourself up to others. Sooner or later, one of them might click some new gear in your heart. And then you’ll hear it click again, and again, and again. And then the gear will keep clicking and you’ll realize that you’re falling in love.

We have so many ways to meet new companions with online dating, the internet, our vast social media networks that allow us to keep in touch with new friends. But we seek a singular person out of all of that. We force this one idea of what companionship is supposed to look like. We dive in because we want that, and we think if it looks like its supposed to, we’ll feel like we’re supposed to.

It is less likely we will find a deep connection in all that mess. It is more likely we will find several people that we like quite a lot. Focus on finding those people, and see where those people lead you.

Have a question about sex or love? Submit to http://www.suggestivetongue.com/ask and I’ll answer it on my blog.

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