Some days I walk into my therapists office like a muppet kinda bopping around like idk what is going on in my life please help me I’m poor and dumb. Some days I stroll casually with a latte in one hand and my sunglasses in the other gesturing to my leather flats “these things in the rain, don’t you know?” as I gently shake my artisan umbrella and place it next to my briefcase.
Today was, more or less, the second one. I sat down and I proclaimed: I solved a problem! I demanded money! I made a plan! I’m figuring out what I want to do with my life! I even ordered business cards!
That’s right. I ordered business cards. For my blog.
I just tried to adjust my glasses and I realized I wasn’t wearing them. That’s how serious I am right now. Adjusting glasses serious.
On one side the business card has a selection of words: sex, sexuality, love, relationships, polyamory, monogamy, life, college, career, etc. It says “Circle one and visit suggestivetongue.com” – – it’s meant to be interactive because most business cards aren’t. They just sort of sit there and yell at you to do something with your life. Call your masseuse babe! Call your plumber! Here’s that tow truck guy you used five years ago!
Mine’s more… introspective. Circle one. What do you need help with. Where is the struggle real.
On the other side it says in kind of a doom doom doom font: don’t not know. Then it says “advice column and personal narrative.”
I guess as I wrote it out, that’s when I decided what my blog was. Advice and personal narrative. We try so hard to make our writing into something. It’s always more simple than that. Just write, and it will become.
As soon as you start trying to make it something you end up with seven ads to every one real post and you’re selling your soul to get free shoes or some shit and fuck you I just don’t even know if you can legally call that writing. It’s something, and it’s respectable, but it’s not writing. It’s like social media marketing for people who gave up on their dreams.
So I ordered the business cards and there are only 50 of them which seems like a good number based on the fact that I basically never social network or talk about myself in conversation. But it’s a start. And I guess that’s all anyone really needs.