Relationship Tip: Pretend You’re Single

If you break up and she cuts her hair, man, it’s over. She’s moved on.

I was thinking about this idea the other day and how I personally have acted and re-acted after breakups. A breakup can be a rebirth. You realize all of the ways in which you had begun to stagnant. So you blow yourself up, and you regenerate into a slightly different, if not better version of yourself.

Traditional breakup advice includes: getting a new haircut, treating yourself to a self-care day, booking a spa appointment, getting your nails done, spending more time with your friends, learning new skills, taking classes, going back to school, devoting more time to your career, and thinking about what you want and need as a human being.

You know, things that you can only do when you’re single, in preparation for finding another, more well-suited life mate.

One thing that might stifle long term relationships is the idea that we can’t do these things any time we want. We become predictable and we become comfortable. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with either of these things. Being comfortable and feeling settled can be foundational parts of a long term relationship. Unless it prevents you from growing as a human being.

Growing separately and together with your partner can help strengthen a long term relationship. Isn’t that one of the most critical components of any long term relationship? Continuously falling in love with new and slightly different versions of your partner?

Adding a little spontaneity to the usual way of things can make you feel more empowered  (which in itself, is pretty sexy) but it can also remind you that a relationship isn’t a death sentence to your individuality. The same could be said for mothers – and fathers. Does having children mean that you have to stop growing and thriving as a person, or does it mean that you just might need to be a little more creative about how and when you make those changes?

Have a question? Submit at or email directly to

3 Comments Add yours

  1. This came at a great time for some internal demons I’ve been battling. Great stuff as always, ST.


    1. ST says:

      I’m so glad! Feel free to borrow my personal demon sword, anytime.


  2. LaNeshe ( says:

    This is a great post. So true. If you aren’t taking care of and growing individually it’s going to eventually lead to trouble in your relationship.


What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s