I wrote this article (“just because its not your fault doesn’t mean its theirs“) about a month ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. I have been thinking very critically lately about how I impact other people, positively, and negatively. I’ve been thinking about how we all experiences the same situation differently. Based on our position. Based on our bias. Based on our emotional attachments.
I’ve come to the determination that we are all problematic. Soap box, me, standing, megaphone, I am problematic.
It is a confessional because maybe it is long overdue.
I have had the tendency to be reactive. When someone tells me that I hurt them, it is too easy to say I did not mean to.
When I say this, I silence the people that I have hurt.
I don’t suppose I’m talking about anything extraordinary or even anything specific. In middle school I broke up with my boyfriend over MSN because I was too much of a coward to do it in person. In high school someone asked me why I wasn’t returning their calls and I didn’t know how to respond so I just didn’t respond at all. I’m not known for being particularly quick-witted in person. Perhaps that’s why it’s taken this long to even notice my piece on the playing board.
I can see crystal clear the ways other people have hurt me. I could describe it to you in such emotional detail you would think that my mind had filled in details to make it more vibrant that it really was. Let’s not understate this, either. I have been hurt in equal and proportionate measure to the amount I have hurt.
But, perhaps, they are unable to see how they were problematic, too.
I don’t think I’m at all unique. We cannot literally crawl out of our skin and into the skin of someone else and feel the hurt that they feel in the exact same way they feel it. We can’t go back and act better. But can attempt to replace the vitriol or confusion we feel with some kind of understanding, or kindness.